366 Days later...40 + 1.

Phew. One year into 40 and this monthly writing excercise has taught me a lot about myself while also solidifing what I already know about myself, both good and bad. Know Thyself. Not such a bad mantra. If you know who you are and ACCEPT IT (that's the tricky part) the day-to-day becomes easier. Relationships become more honest. You make decisions about what you want to change about yourself or just say forget it with no regrets.

This doesn't mean I have found the secret to feeling good about myself 100% of the time. But I certainly don't dwell on my imperfections...anymore! I accept myself as PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. I chug along and try to change things that really bother me. But, I don't beat myself up when I can't quite accomplish those changes as fast as I would like.




Most importantly, I LIKE myself. And I believe others like me too :). Some folks don't believe that being liked should matter so much. And that's ok...for them! I believe that when you are genuinely and sincere about ensuring respect and dignity for others that you deal with on a daily basis is a good thing. Don't mistake kindness for weakness and stupidity. Sometimes my choice not to react is a political one. Other times it is a sincere choice to pick my battles. Other times, it's really not that important to react. Remember, I like myself. And no one has the power to to chip away at my spirit unless I allow it. The moment I feel that my self-esteem or self-worth is compromised, I move on and eliminate the negativity from my life. I have done that with boyfriends and I have done that with jobs. And I'll continue to do that as needed.

So as I begin my 41st year on this earth, I keep it moving. I keep it real. I keep it down to earth. I continue to hold my family and friends dear. I continue to develop as a professional and as a parent. I continue to struggle with my housekeepking abilities, financial acumen (or lack there of) and my weight. I continue to find new and improved ways to become a better person. I hope you continue to stay tuned and keep up with my journey.

Think deeply, speak gently, love much, laugh aloud, work hard, give freely, and be kind.



She unfurls her wings. She speaks her mind. She is a beautiful parcel of boldness and grace, all wrapped together, brilliant. Shining. The more of her own light she allows to shine, the  more others shine too. From high up, she imagines they must look like a constellation.

337 longer days into 40

Wow, there are only 5 weeks left in my 40th year. Chronicling 40 this way may have just made it go a little faster. Not sure. But this exercise has certainly been one of reflection, allowing me to understand who I am, where I've been and what the journey to the future may hold.

So what has the last four weeks taught me about being 40? That as soon as you hit 40, you suddenly have a lot of doctors to visit. Forget the normal stuff you have to do yearly. There are new doctors to add to the medical portfolio. And every test had to have been invented by a man!!!! There is absolutely nothing natural about a mammogram. I mean really!?! And fertility tests. OMG! My tests included several date- specific tests including about a dozen vials of blood, and a couple of uncomfortable exams.

A man's tests? 1 of them, which from my point of view, does not compare to what we women have to go through.

Results? Surprise! You're 40 and so are your ovaries. Getting pregnant is harder. What does this mean? I don't know yet. My time has passed and I am not particularly interested in painful fertility treatments. Maybe exploring adoption is the best route to take. There are so many children right next door who need a home. We'll see! To be continued....

Memory Works Spring Fling Blog Hop

Welcome to the Memory Works Spring Fling Blog Hop! The Teamworks Girls have been busy behind the scenes creating beautiful projects with some of their favorite products in our New Memory Works Spring/Summer Catalog. Make sure you stop at each blog along the way to check out all of the inspiration, and don't forget to leave a comment at each stop! One lucky reader will win a giveaway sponsored by Memory Works! The more comments you leave, the more chances you have to win! You have until midnight on Thursday to leave your comments.

I don't know about you, but when I get a box of goodies, I get right down to work with all of the new products. Today's projects use My Mind's Eye "Be Amazing" line. I love the color palette and how well they can be adapted for boy layouts.

I did my "Focus on Me" project using this line. I love scrabble so this 12x12 paper really caught my eye. I purchased an old scrabble game a couple of years ago at a thrift shop in hopes of being able to use the tiles on a scrap project some day. The day has come.

I also made a couple of cute projects using instructions from the Teresa Collins (the matchbook minibook) and Cosmo Cricket (the card holder) blogs.

Matchbook Minibook

Card Holder

Insides

Backs

I hope you have enjoyed this burst of inspiration. Come back soon and don't forget to leave a comment and then visit the next blog on this hop, Jody at http://spiegelmom.blogspot.com/.

Focusing on The Best 4 Years of My Life

My husband gets slightly offended when I say that my college years at Syracuse University were the best 4 years of my life. I try to explain that it's nothing to be concerned about. I love my life and my family. But there is something to be said about the high level of freedom and independence that a "traditional" college experience provides, at least in my personal case.

I grew up when movies like "School Daze" and TV shows like "A Different World" and "The Cosby Show" were popular. Even though they focused on fictional black colleges, they created a vision of fun and exciting college experiences. They showed a college world that had students of color finding success and happiness in their lives. Who wouldn't love that.






SU is nowhere near a black or hispanic serving institution. Quite the contrary. But that didn't make my experiences their any less exciting. We find each other. And I was lucky enough to find a contingent of friends that have come to mean a great deal to me over the past 20 plus years.



When facebook came along, I reconnected virtually with even more of my college friends. I may not see them on a daily or even occasional basis. But when we do get together, we pick up right where we left off. We still talk about parties. The only difference is that the parties we meet up at are our kids' parties. And that's just fine with us. We certainly did plenty of partying for a life time in our 4 years in college. I don't miss it but I am glad I had those times.

So what brought on this burst of nostalgia?

Hall of Languages and Memorial to the victims of Lockerbie flight bombing

I visited SU on March 31st. My sorority's chapter turned 20 in March and I didn't want to miss the celebration. Yes, I was the oldest person there. Even the keynote speaker was 8 monhts younger than me. But it felt like home. With the exception of a few new buildings, the place hasn't changed a bit. And that brought back so many good memories. Even the mural in the stairwell of the student center was exactly the same. And that mural has to be well over 20 years old. I felt like I could move in and pick up where I left off.

Carrier Dome

Schine Student Center Atrium

Bird Library

The Ben Shahn Mural of the Sacco-Vanzetti Trial

Alas my family and job required me to return to the NYC grind. But it was still a very nice 24 hour stroll down memory lane. Did I mention they were the best 4 years of my life?

307 long days into 40.

So there's a reason why it's taken me so long to post about being 40 this month. It's because I am discovering something that I am having a hard time living with. I can't walk in heels anymore. It's breaking my heart! I take pride in my taste in shoes and I have a closet full of them that my feet just can't withstand anymore, at least not for any extended period of time. I certainly cannot wear them from home to office, door to door.

So I have been on the prowl for kitten heels. I can manage those a lot better these days, but they just don't have the same effect as a nice pair of 3 inchers! I've never been able to manage 4 inches so I am not missing anything there. But a nice 3 inch heel does a lot for your look, your frame and your legs. SIGHHH.

So alas, in spite of the need for a mammogram and the attack on my black locks by gray hairs, not being able to wear my shoes has been the biggest blow to the ego! I can't bear to part with them, at least not yet. But I will soon. I will have to have a memorial service. Stay tuned!




      Good bye my pretties!

277 days into 40

I still think 40 is fabulous, but it's not so easy. I was off last Monday and made some doctor appointments since Ethan was in school anyway and sleeping in was not an option. It was as good a time as any and I needed to find some new doctors anyway.

My first stop was to check on the plumbing. I found a Mexican doctor raised in Puerto Rico practicing on Central Park West and I really liked her. She gave me and my pipes a clean bill of health. On top of that, getting on the scale proved to be better than usual. I've lost 10 pounds. But no good deed goes unpunished. With 40, comes the addition of 2 new doctors to my portfolio - a radiologist for my first mammogram...hoo-freakin-ray and a fertility specialists since I am 40 and want another child.

I'll keep this post short and sweet and report back about these new experiences later.
Here is a 2 page layout chronicling my 1st, 4th, 16th and 40th birthdays. I noticed that birthday parties have always been a big part of my life. Gotta love an entourage, at any age!

2-4-7 - Was that a sitcom...

... with Florence from the Jeffersons? Or was it 2-5-7? Either way, it's just another indicator of my age, past the 40 1/2 stage. But the best, or should I say worst, indicator of my age is the rapid influx of gray hairs!!! I can't take it. I can take a lot - the sagging of the you know whats, even a wrinkle or two, but the grays just feel like nails on a chalkboard. Everyday it's a new squatter on my head. So I bit the bullet, purchased a box of L'Oreal's Feria Natural Black, and went to town. I got 97% of the infiltrators and when I realized I missed a few, out came the tweezers. Yep. Pluck, Pluck, Pluck!

So enough about the bad stuff. This year has gotten off to a fabulous start. I really like my new job. Of course it is still the honeymoon period, but I see a lot of potential for my professional growth and development and upward mobility. Everyone has been wonderful. I miss many of the people from my old place, especially the students and my right hand TB, but we are still connected, so I am not worried about losing the strong friendships that I have formed there. I have absolutely no love loss for residence life. I am thankful for the valuable experience. There is no replacement for the skills you obtain in the field, but transitioning out was the right thing to do on so many levels. Where I am now, I am in charge of Orientation, Commencement and a wonderful student leadership program. OH, and lets not forget the commute. What's there to miss? NADA!

So, as I slowly ease out of my first year of 40 and ease into my second year, 40 is turning out to be a fabulous age, minus the grays of course!

Pictures of the Month:
Ethan is having a hard time adjusting to our new commute, especially that long walk from 7th to 10th Avenue. I personally love it. I walk a lot now. I don't have to pay gas and tolls. And I get to relax while I commute. It's hard to relax on the Whitestone Bridge or the Jackie Robinson Parkway. Ethan, however, has found a way to relax on the subway. I wasn't thrilled about half his face on the seat back, but isn't he the cutest little hobo you have ever seen? He was knocked out!

Ethan is an observer. I guess he noticed the biggest past time on the subway and decided to try it out. Too bad he can't read yet.